Am I?
by Strawberry Cupcake
Summary: Elizabeth thinks about John and Teyla's relationship and whether she's in love with John.


A/N- This is a little different than what I normally do. But this is a **SHEYLA** story. If you are a ShWeir fan, you won't likeit so get out before it's too late. This _does _have some ShWeir but it's **NOT** a ShWeir story. Elizabeth's POV on John and Teyla's relationship.

Disclaimer- Hey look! I finally put a disclaimer in one of my fics! Yeah so I don't own anything. Just borrowing them for a bit.

**Am I?**

Those hazel eyes smile at me and I feel like I'm the only one he sees. But then he looks at her and smiles like that to _her_. Sometimes I can't stand it. Sometimes I want to scream and throw things. Sometimes I even think about sending her back with her people just to have him all to myself.

But then I think, how could I do that to someone who has become like my best friend since we met. And how could I do that to _him_? It would kill him. And I feel horribly guilty. But I can't help the way I feel. It would be so much easier if I wasn't in love with him.

What is love? Am I really in love with John Sheppard? I ask myself this every night. Certainly there's physical attraction. He's strong, compassionate, and heart-throbbingly handsome.

But does he feel the same about me? The way he smiles at me and sticks up for me suggests he does. But those dreadful words spoken from Sergeant Bates' lips have me cringe and say he doesn't.

Personal feelings. Nobody trusted Teyla but him. One would think it's because he's in love with her. There's no doubt that there's a bond between them. I see it. Rodney sees it. The whole friggin expedition sees it!

I can't trust myself anymore. If I were to talk to him about something other than Atlantis, I know I would say it. I'd tell him how I feel. And then I would have my heart ripped out because he'd say he was in love with Teyla. So now I can't even have a simple conversation with him about something as stupid as the weather.

Right now he's sparring with her. God knows if that's what they're really doing. I can't stand it. I don't _want_ to be in love with him! I swear to the Ancients I don't!

Am I really in love with John Sheppard? Does my heart ache whenever something happens to him?Yes. But maybe that's just my friendship. My heart aches whenever something happens to Rodney. You know that cold gripping your heart and you think you'll never see him again? Does that mean I'm in love with Rodney? No. But do I get jealous when Rodney tells me he has a date with Katie Brown?

Oh my God, yes! I do! Why? This is not fair! I really should talk to Dr. Heightmeyer. Maybe I feel like I'm in love with them both because I don't have anyone and they do. But with Rodney it's different. I don't get butterflies in my stomach when he talks or smiles at me. Maybe I'm just jealous of him because _he_, the cynical, obnoxious man, has someone and I don't.

But what about John? I couldn't live without him. If something were to happen to him, I would just want to curl up in a ball and die.

None of this is fair to Simon. It's funny that I would bring him up. I can understand why he gave up on me. He didn't think I was coming back. I'm glad that he moved on with his life. I really am. And I'm proud that he decided to stay on Earth. As much as I wanted him to come with me, he did the right thing. If I had really loved him, I wouldn't have left him.

But I think I had been wanting a way out without knowing it. And Atlantis was my ticket. I'm not proud of what I did, but I'm glad it ended. My heart still hurts from the bluntness of his words though. I've met someone. The pain has lessened so much since then. Each day it hurts less and less. But I can still feel it.

I could never handle it if I found out John and Teyla were seeing each other. Or could I? They're my best friends. I want them to be happy.

What John and Teyla have is love. Teyla cares about him so much more than I do. They've saved each others' lives so many times. With that comes a bond that no one else could understand. I don't understand it. But I do understand that they are meant for each other.

John and I don't have that much in common. What I feel for him is purely physical. Teyla's in deep. She can see through his soul. I could never do that.

Today I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. After I admitted to mysaelf that I truly am not in love with him, I could breathe easier.

John and Teyla are still being stubborn and won't admit they have feelings for each other. I mean, the whole friggin expedition sees it yet they're blind when it comes to love. I can help them with that.

THE END!

A/N- Did you like it? Did you hate it? Do you want me to do a chapter from Ronon's POV? Click that beautiful purple button and tell me what you think.


End file.
